TShirts and the Men Who Wear Them
by misunderstoodemon
Summary: A list of the TShirts that everyone's favorite AFT team has accumulated.


**T-Shirts**

OK, this is a list of the various t-shirts I'd like to have the boys wear. Some I've seen. Some I made up, some came from a catalog of bumper stickers (thank you, Colin, Captain of Medicine) and some are quotes form various TV shows and movies. Name some, and I'll give you a cookie and a snuggle with the boys of your choice! I'll even let you snuggle Vin, my baby...

Chris

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

Don't know. Don't care. That's why they put me in charge.

User surly.

What I can't saw, drill or sand isn't worth messing with.

TEAM EFFORT is a lot of people doing what I say.

I'm only wearing black until they make something darker (very dark brown text- you either know what it says or get to rub your nose in his chest. Oh...)

Save time. See it my way.

Doesn't play well with others.

Some days, it's not even worth chewing through the restraints.

If you can read this, put me back on my barstool. (upside down)

Pissing off the whole planet, one person at a time.

When I want your opinion, I'll remove the duct tape.

When I want your opinion, I'll read your entrails.

My anger management class pisses me off.

Don't annoy the ANGER MANAGEMENT DROPOUT

If you can read this you're TOO CLOSE.

There's room for all of Gods creatures. Right next to the mashed potatoes.

I'm the guy your momma warned you about.

I HATE EVERYONE. Please make a note of it.

Some people are only alive because it's illegal to kill them.

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons. For you are crunchy, and taste good with ketchup.

Home is where they have to let you in.

My give a damner is broken.

This IS my warm and sensitive side

Things you say are called 'Opinions' Things I say are called 'Facts'.

Anyone who doesn't agree with me is invited to take a flying leap.

Fascinating. How do we kill it?

You know that 'we come in peace' business? Bite me.

In the end, I will be judged by what I fail to hide. Not by how many people I piss off in the meantime.

I am getting SO tired of slitting the throats of people who say I'm a violent psychopath.

Buck

No one knows the trouble I've been...

I've seen Elvis. He was sitting next to Bigfoot on the UFO.

Brilliant, beautiful, one of a kind.

I didn't escape... they gave me a day pass.

I'm not vain- I always look this good.

Your dreams have been answered. I'm here.

On a clear night, I can hear the fish laughing.

Trust me, I do this all the time.

Gods gift to women with NO standards. (from Inez after a night of attempted flirting at the saloon.)

Here I am! Now what are your other two wishes?

Beat the 5 o'clock rush- Leave work at noon!

It's funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's hilarious.

Scoundrel for Hire: Virginity Cured, Castles Plundered, Damsels Rescued, Dragons Slain, Royalty Abducted, Ugly Trolls Defended, Treasures Stolen, Heroes Defeated, Businesses Torched. No Brigandry Too Small, No Fee Too Outrageous. 1-800-555-LOOT

It's all fun and games until someone's wiener gets burnt. (stick figures standing around a campfire roasting hot dogs.)

Another fine product of a dysfunctional family.

I used to have SUPER HUMAN POWERS. But my therapist took them away.

Stupidity got us into this mess- why can't it get us out?

Needs supervision.

The man, the myth, the legend.

Plays well with UDDERS! (think about it for a moment...)

The Last Man in Earth.

Sex Instructor. First Lesson Free.

Josiah

May God have mercy on your soul- we won't

Where are we going? And why am I in this handbasket?

STOP ME before I volunteer again!

Reality. TV. Two more reasons to read.

Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

Try not to let your mind wander. It's much too small to be out by itself.

Don't take Life so seriously- it isn't permanent.

Work for God. The retirement benefits are great!

Always Forgive your Enemies, Nothing annoys them more.

I'm out of my mind. Please leave a message.

Death is hereditary.

Gray hair is Gods graffiti.

When All Else Fails ... READ THE INSTRUCTIONS! (with a picture of the Bible)

I Don't Tan. I Rust.

Always Remember - Pillage First, THEN Burn!

Age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill.

You're not older and wiser, you're still young and stupid.

If the right side of the brain controls the left side of the body, then only the LEFT HANDED are in their RIGHT MINDS.

I SEE DUMB PEOPLE READING MY T-SHIRT (in the form of an eye chart.)

If you can't beat them, confuse them.

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.

LEAVE EARTH NOW. Ask me how.

If idiots were trees, this place would be an orchard!

On a clear night, I can hear the fish laughing.

Everyone is born Right-handed. Only the Gifted overcome it.

We have enough youth- how about a fountain of smart?

God wants spiritual fruit, not religious Nuts!

The Computer Revolution Is Over. The Computers won.

The Ways Are Many (Pictures of different religious symbols) The Light Is One!

Nathan

I nag because I care.

If I could get a firm grip on life, I'D CHOKE IT!!!

I prefer to handle you with tongs and surgical gloves.

Frazzled, thanks. How are you?

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

A day without sunshine is like night. (worn on particularly cloudy days.)

CHAOS is more than a theory- it's my way of life.

I owe it all to my Boss. Ulcers, Nausea, Paranoia ...

A Closed Mind Doesn't Need Drugs. It's Already Wasted

I know how you're put together.

Only two things are infinite- the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not too sure about the former.-Albert Einstein

I don't have stress- I'm just a carrier.

On a clear night, I can hear the fish laughing.

I'm not bossy, I just know what you should be doing.

Always being Right is an awesome responsibility.

Vin

If I throw a stick will you go fetch it?

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

Everything I need to know I learned from sniper school.

Did the Aliens forget to remove your anal probe?

Doesn't Expecting the Unexpected make the Unexpected Expected?

Chocolate: the OTHER major food group.

Give me the chocolate and no one gets hurt.

If you can't beat them, confuse them.

Life may be weird, but at least it's not boring.

Motorcycles Do Not Leak Oil. They Mark Their Territory

Some People Say That I Have A.D.D. That's Really Not ... Ooooooh, Shiny!

They Say I Have A.D.D., But They Just Don't Understand ... Hey, Look! A Chicken!

Computer Literacy? You Mean My Computer Is Supposed To Read?

If you can read this, our snipers can drop you. Have a nice day

You can't run away from trouble. But you can try

Don't knock on deaths door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.

I smile because I have no idea what's going on.

Vegetables are not food. Vegetables are what food eats.

You have the right to remain silent. Care to start now?

Needs supervision.

Are you gonna cowboy up or are you gonna just lie there and bleed?

The Boss likes ME the best.

What part of DON'T MESS WITH TEXAS are you not getting?

Yes, I KNOW. I need a Haircut.

"Vegetarian": Ancient Native American Word For 'Lousy Hunter'

You never see a MOTORCYCLE parked outside a psychiatrists office.

JD

If you choke a smurf, what colour does it turn?

Born to annoy.

Huh?

Beam Me Up, Scotty. They Make Lousy Coffee Down Here

Beam Me Sideways, Scotty. Nobody Here Knows Which Way Is Up

Very Funny, Scotty. Now Beam Down My Clothes

Beam Me Up, Scotty. There's No Intelligent Life Down Here

Proud Ancestor of a Starfleet Academy Honour Student.

To hell with the Prime Directive, I'm gonna KILL something!!!

Your Powers Are Useless. The Clowns Are On My Side

2004 World Series Champions Boston Red Sox - Now I Can Die In Peace!

Drugs are cheaper than video games.

Get a life? I'm a gamer, I have LOTS of lives!

Knowledge Is Power. Power Corrupts. Study Hard. Be Evil.

If I acted my age, this T-shirt would be a diaper.

Mary had a little lamb... and Mulder was determined to find out why.

When in doubt, HACK!

5/4 people have a problem with fractions.

I'm confused... Wait, maybe I'm not.

When all else fails, manipulate the data.

Celebrate life with ketchup.

It's all Fun And Games until someone loses a tooth - then it's Hockey!

Born To Rock, Forced To Work

I've read your file.

ALWAYS REMEMBER. When in doubt, run in circles screaming your head off.

System analysis is finding the exact right wrench to pound in the required screw.

When they outlaw guns, can we use swords?

Needs supervision.

I eat three servings of vegetables per day- ketchup, ketchup and ketchup.

DANGER. May geek out with no warning.

If Brains Were Dynamite You Wouldn't Even Have Enough To Blow Your Nose

Oh No! Not ANOTHER learning experience!

Brotherhood Of Lackeys, Minions & Thralls

Pirates? Ninjas? A Jedi Cares Not About These

Vader Was Framed!

Ezra

I SEE DUMB PEOPLE READING MY T-SHIRT (eye chart)

Prepare to bow before my invincible irony and sarcasm

California has sunshine, but the South has moonshine.

When all else fails... tell the truth and run!

Your Participle is dangling.

Instant human. Just add coffee.

Caution: I'm busy formulating a Withering Retort.

I'm sorry, but I don't know any words small enough for you to understand.

The Villagers are Coming With Torches and Pitchforks. Please Hide Me.

Good Morning is an oxymoron

When You're Losing The Game, Change The Rules

National Sarcasm Society. Like we need your support.

Pay no attention to the device around my ankle.

She say I don't listen (or something like that)

Hard work never killed anybody. But why take a chance?

Hard work must have killed somebody (bought for himself after someone gave him the one above.)

ABOLISH MORNINGS!

Procrastinate Later.

I get plenty of exercise just pushing my luck! (after an particularly close incident with a phone, Chris and his head.)

Money may not buy happiness, but I'll take it anyway.

Give a Jackass an education, you get a Smartass

You hired me. I can't help it if your standards are lax.

Regrettably, all the good paying jobs start before I get up.

I'd love to engage in a battle of wits with you, but you appear unarmed.

I Love my work ... that's why I'm saving so much of it for tomorrow

WARNING! I Have A Vocabulary In Excess Of 75,000 Words, And I'm Not Afraid To Use It.

"Not A Morning Person" Doesn't Even Begin To Describe It.

Did no one come to save me just because they missed me?

I'm really quite pleasant when I'm awake.

Official Member of the Piss and Moan About Everything Club.

Chaos. Panic. Disorder. My work here is done.

This isn't a life- it's a forced march! (following a particularly interesting 'vacation', for which they left at 5 am.)

Your IQ results are in. They were negative.

Sanity is back-ordered. Sarcasm is in unlimited supply.

Chances are I'm right.

Professional Critic.

Anything done is worth complaining about.

The cynicism is free, but I charge for the sarcasm.

Needs supervision.

I'm not a pessimist. I'm an optimist with experience.

Fashion can be bought. Style one must possess.

Yet, despite the look on my face, you're still talking.

I smell something burning. Have you been thinking again?

Damn Right I'm Good In Bed! I Can Sleep For Days.

When You're right No One remembers. When You're Wrong No One Forgets.

Kim

I'm going crazy! Where's the map?

It's a girls world and guys just live in it.

What would Xena do?

Authorized Agent Guilt Trip Travel Agency (Maude, birthday gift from Ezra)

All men were created equal. That's why women are in charge.

Behind every man is a woman. Chasing him.

Women are Natural Leaders. That's why you're following one. (printed on the back)

If Logic prevailed, Men would ride sidesaddle. (think about it...)

Men have only two faults: Everything They Say And Everything They Do

Therapy is expensive. Popping' Bubble Wrap is cheap. You choose.

Why didn't your mom drown you when she had the chance?

When I SNAP you'll be the first to go.

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons. For you are crunchy, and taste good with ketchup.

Where's the kaboom? There's supposed to be an earth- shattering kaboom! The aludium Q36 space modulator! That Earth creature has stolen the Space modulator!

I'd rather be crazy and smart than sane and stupid.

Normal people worry me.

Cancel my subscription. I don't need your issues.

Well behaved women rarely make history (Also bought by Mary, Inez, and pretty much all of my characters.)

My face is up there (arrow)

Give me the chocolate and no one gets hurt.

The Queen is Not Amused

Don't Make Me Get The Flying Monkeys!

My Inner Child wants some Chocolate. NOW!

She Who Must Be Obeyed.

Who says Goddesses have to be anorexic? (endorsed by almost every other female in the office.)

My Goddess gave birth to your God (doesn't wear to the office. Josiah gets a kick out of it though.)

I hate you. Deal with it.

The Way To A Man's Heart Is Between The Fourth And Fifth Ribs. (with a picture of a very sharp knife)

'Normal' Is A Setting On My Washing Machine.

Few women admit their age. Fewer Men act it.

My other car is a Broom

Boys. You can't live without them and it's illegal to shoot them. Then again, when have I ever cared about legal?

Ginger Rogers Did Everything Fred Astaire Did ... Backwards Wearing Heels!

All

Hide the rum.

If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun.

Be vewy, vewy quiet, we're hunting wabbits.

We're on a mission, you nit!

I don't know what your problem is, but I bet it's hard to pronounce.

Things to do today- 1. Get up 2.Survive 3.Go back to bed.

Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult. (after an incident involving red Jell-O, a Jimmy Buffet CD, several different versions of events, and an important report of Chris'.)

Growing OLD is Mandatory. Growing UP is Optional.

Do Not Disturb. Occupant is Disturbed enough already. (one too many of Bucks stories after a few beers, and some interesting dreams made these mandatory.)

Anything that does not kill me had better do enough damage to keep me from firing back!

Well, on the planet I come from ... (need I say more?)

I try to live in the moment. Any moment but this one.

Wherever You Came From Please Go Back (visiting agent with no experience and little warning about what to expect.)

People like You are the Reason people like Me need medication

Are you a side effect of my medication? (the discovery that a certain painkiller makes most of them hallucinate, and very interesting hallucinations they were...)

Doc- Josiah

Happy- Buck

Bashful- JD

Grumpy- Chris

Doper-Nathan

Sleepy- Ezra

Sneezy- Vin

That's a list of the seven dwarves and their Team 7 counter parts. Josiah is the 'doctor' type (older, worldly, all that jazz) Buck is Happy, JD is Bashful, Chris is Grumpy, Sleepy is Ezra, (all for obvious reasons) Nathan is the Dope(r), due to the fact that its him that has to keep them still when they catch a bullet or a knife somewhere. Vin is Sneezy because of the various allergies and sensitivities that some authors give him (that and JD was more Bashful, and the others just all fit so nicely...)

Thank you to all the poor souls whose t-shirts I stole and who were kind enough to walk by me while I was working on this list. If you see a shirt, quote or something similar, put it in a review (hint hint), and I'll put it in. This is a fic that will be updated as I see new shirts.

Thanks to all the reviewers- keep it up!


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